Parents role

A parents attentive and patient peekaboo type of reciprocating interaction with their child helps in development of neural architecture in a positive way. A baby who is devoid of synchronous interaction can be at a disadvantage.  In 1960's researchers coined the term 'attachment' to denote the reciprocating relationship between parents and a child.


Attachment takes years to develop between parents and a child. It is not a short duration of time immediately after a child's arrival to the world. Definitely the sentence "Please do not remove babies from mothers until after bonding has taken place" does not stand on its feet. The relationships that form from the reciprocating interactions develop slowly and may take up to 2 or more years to develop. Parents who consistently apply attention to their children during the initial 2 years statistically raise happy kids.

Who can probably be a terrific kid:
 -having emotional regulation, calming themselves effectively and quickly
-high academic achievement
-greater empathetic nature
-loyalty to parents with higher compliance rates and obedience arising from feeling connected to parents (not from fear)
-fewer incidences of pediatric depression and anxiety related issues.
-less infectious issues
-less prone to violence
-deep and lots of friends

In giving the best parenting to child the following can be some of the observed characteristics, according to the author of this book.
-a demanding but warm parenting style
-comfort with your own emotions
-tracking a child's emotions
-verbalizing emotions
-running toward emotions
-a lot of empathy


According to Diana Baumrind, UC-BErkeley, the 4 styles of child upbringing are based on two dimensions. Her results have been confirmed in a massive 1994 study involving thousands of students as they entered adolescence in California and Washington states.

1) Responsiveness: its the degree to which parents respond to their children with support, warmth, affection, and acceptance. Warm parents usually communicate tiehr affection for their kids. Hostile parents mostly communicate their rejection of their kids.

2) Demandingness: the degree to which parents attempts to exert behavioral control. Restrictive parents tend to make and enforce rules mercilessly. permissive parents do not make any rules at all.

Theutho 4 parenting styles are:
-Authoritative: high demanding and high responsive, the best combination
-Authoritarian: high demanding and low responsive, too hard
-Indulgent: low demanding and high responsive, too soft
-Neglectful:low remanding and low responsiveness


Labeling and recognizing emotions is neurologically calming

Research has shown that parents who help their children in recognizing the emotions the child feels have a better chance in raising happy children. Kids who experience a parenthood that teaches them to recognize the child's feelings on regular basis become better at self-soothing and are more able to focus on tasks and have successful peer relationships. This is true because children experience the physiological results of emotional responses before they know and realize the verbal ways to phrase them to themselves. Without language-labels to describe the feelings children have, they can get confused as to what they experience.



10 years of music training
Researchers in Chicago have shown that children with experience in music learning, ones who have studied any musical instrument for at least 10 years, starting before age 7 were able to respond to subtle variations in emotional cues. Where as children without musical training did not show a distinctions in the emotions. This study suggests that for having happy kids later in life, get them started out on a musical journey =, early in life. Making sure that they stick with it for at least for 10 years.

Importance of acknowledging all emotions
People who deny their feelings often make bad choices. It is undertsood that no technique can make a feeling go away. It is suggested that parents verbalize the feelings of a child, this helps the children realize that the parents understand the child. Zecondly, validate the child's feelings if they are correct. Thirdly, indicate to the child that his/her feelings are understood by the parent. Essentially, it means that parents need to be emphatetic.

Key Points
-Infant needs parents to watch, listen, and repond to them
-How parents respond to their toddler's intense emotions is a big factor in determining how happy they might be as adults
-Children are happiest if their parents are demanding and warm
-Emotions need to be acknowledged and named but not judged.